I cannot believe that it has been a year since I moved back home! This last year has been full of ups and downs, laughter and cries, and good times and bad times. I never would have thought that I would go through the things in life that I have... especially all at once. I would have to say that I definately have had more than my fair share of hurt and pain these last couple years. But for some reason someone out there thinks that I need to feel more, and it just keeps adding on. I forgot how difficult dating is. When I got my annulment from Danny it felt like I was starting all over with dating and I was back at 16 again. I know there is someone out there that will treat me like I should be treated, and will love me with no reserve.... But I didn't realize how hard it would be to find that guy! Just when you think you have found a guy who is really sweet to you, treats you really good, and actually cares for you, then they turn around and kick you in the butt and you find out they are just playing those stupid dating games that everyone hates, the kind that makes your heartbreak and makes you feel like you just want to cry. Then all of a sudden your thoughts turn to your ex and the things he did and the way he made you feel, then your emotions just get worse. Why is it that just when you think you are getting over the situation it comes back and just tears you down all over again?? When does the pain ever fully go away?? Well it definately wont go away till after I find the right guy and can be done with dating and the stupid games guys play. Some how I just seem to be drawn to those guys that put up a front and make you feel special when all they are really doing is playing you. Something has to change!!!! This last one was a hard one... but I finally stood up for myself and told him that I was done with his games and told him that if it was gonna be the way it was then it would never work out. As bad as it hurt me too... I just had to do it. I cannot settle and let myself think that this is the best that I can find, and let myself get walked all over on. I will NOT go through that again!!!
On a happier note though... I know the things I am going through are happening for a reason... I know that these trials in life will make me a better and stronger person. I love my family and friends!!! They have been my biggest support and have helped me get through so much!!! I couldn't do this without them!! Especially my family and especially my mom!! Words cannot express my gratitude for her!! My little brother Brayden has been a big help too! I love him so much and miss him tons!! He is becoming such a great missionary! He was just made District Leader of his District at the MTC!! He leaves for Germany November 23rd! He is such a great example to me! Ich Liebe Dich Brayden!!!
